What follows is a description of a recurring feeling I have sometimes in dreams or when my mind is not buzzing and is calm and quiet. Some of you may find it interesting; some of you may find it silly or strange and begin to wonder about me (if you haven’t already). But since I am doing a daily journal on my yoga challenge, I wanted to get this in, so if I ever publish a post where I excitedly say that I had the “knot” feeling in savasana, you all will be well informed as to what the hell I’m talking about.
I see the knot against a backdrop of nothing, black emptiness but not loneliness, infinite. The knot is composed of four pieces of rope, neatly twisted, not a stray strand sticking out of the length, almost as if none of the tiny strands out of the millions of tiny strands in the rope are broken. They are slick and polished but not shiny. The color of the rope is ordinary gray. The four ropes come from four directions but there is no north, south, east or west. From my view, the ropes are coming in from nowhere in particular. When I look at the ends of the rope, I cannot see their origin. They are just there. The knot itself resembles a Zeppelin bend, but there are more loops and bends than just the four lengths of rope, almost like there’s another strand or two coming in from somewhere else that I cannot see. Maybe underneath? Definitely not overhead because that’s where I am. I am looking down at this knot, directly above it. I can see clearly the four strands coming in from the four directions but when they reach the knot, I cannot say which strand makes which loop in the knot. I lose track of the strands when they get to the knot. I am not standing on anything; I sense that I’m just hovering, floating but not drifting around. When I concentrate on the knot, it either gets bigger or smaller; it’s never the same. At the same time the knot gets either bigger or smaller, I feel either closer or farther away from the knot. My proximity to the knot does not correlate with the size of the knot. The knot never moves. I move toward or away from it, like zooming in or out. It pulls at my chest and makes me feel lighter than a feather. I feel every nerve ending in my body tingling and I am weightless. I get lightheaded but not like I am intoxicated or about to faint. I have a peaceful and calm reaction to the adjusting size of the knot and it pulling or pushing me. A euphoric, organic feeling. I feel very connected to the knot like it’s a part of me as much as my arm is a part of me, but at the same time, I cannot control what it does, how large or small it gets. When the feeling starts to diminish, I usually can concentrate and bring it back. But then when it’s gone, it’s gone. No getting it back.